First Post! 05/15/2011
 
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Comments

Kira :)

Fri, 20 May 2011 12:14:56

Whoa. This is awesome Maria!!!!

 

Sunderland on Polished Draft

Mon, 23 May 2011 05:41:20

Sorry for the mixup on my feedback. I still don't know what happened. And, I'm sorry that I didn't get to it again until now. Nonetheless, following are my comments.

First, clearly you've put a lot of hard work into this draft. Overall, it is a very good draft. I do have some suggestions though.
-Provide a more meaningful title. Something that gets to your point not just your topic.
-Remove your last name from the site. It should just say "Maria R."
-The document is actually "the declaration of sentiments" with an "s" at the end of sentiments
-Have "back to..." and "next to.." links so viewer knows better where he/she is linking to.
-Put thesis on home page. Take images from homepage slideshow and put them on different pages where they can more effectively convey ideas.
-Thesis has some tense problems. Should use "had" rather than "has"
-Each page should have a topic sentence that clearly articulates the point of that page. Other text, however, should be in bulleted phrases rather than complete sentences.
-Images should have captions that indicate the meaning of the image
-Instead of slide shows, use images more strategically to help make specific points. Slideshows aren't very effective because the viewer can't make much sense of what he/she is looking at.
-For whole text of the declaration of sentiments, you need to provide some interpretation. Highlight certain key parts of the document and provide some comments. For example, you could analyze how the DofS is based on the Declaration of Independence, how the sentiments are organized around a handful of larger issues etc. Currently, you have the document and your interpretation on 2 separate pages. You should combine so viewer can see doc and your commentary at same time. I suggest using 2-column format. Put doc in one column. In other column put your comments next to appropriate parts of the doc.
-CE diagram a really nice touch. However, you should put it on the thesis page.

Overall, very good polished draft. Nice work. 47/50

 

Sunderland on Fianl Draft

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 04:41:45

Really nice job. You clearly spent a lot of time and effort on this site.
-Nice use of multimedia opportunities. Lots of good visuals. Better captioning would have even further strengthened power of visuals
-Argument is not always clearly connected or well supported. Why you have the pages you do is not clear. Overall layout doesn't follow thesis statement so well. Also, not much primary evidence to support your points.
-Despite good use of images and visuals, there is still alot of text that can be pretty intimidating.
-Good use of 2-column format and color coding for analysis of document
-Effects part generally good though you jump to some effects without clear connection to the document.

Overall, a nice site that shows lots of effort. Good work.

90/100

 



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